So this is what it feels like to be a bum... It is only Sunday and yet after just two days of being out-of-job, I already dread the coming days when I won't have anything to do. Sure the idea of watching tv all day, taking naps when I feel like it, and reading books in between is so so tempting. But at the end of the day, I still miss the idea of doing something important - something that I know has an effect in the greater scheme of things.
Still I'm thankful that I was able to have this chance to rest, getting to this point however wasn't quite that easy. It was an emotional rollercoaster which couldn't be helped.
When I first handed in "the letter", I felt a mix of emotions that to me felt even worse than breaking up with a boyfriend. After that afternoon, I couldn't barely eat for dinner and neither could I concentrate on anything that my friend was saying. Everything about me felt funny and all topsy-turvy, however none of it was in any form regret.
Despite all the madness going on inside my head, I knew deep down that it was but a step to something better in my life. Sleeping over it helped, and the next day what came over me was a sense of liberation. Slowly I felt like I was letting go one by one of little weights I carry with me. The only thing is, I couldn't help but be anxious of being away from friends that I got to know and love in two years' time.
Needless to say in the coming days and weeks after, I suffered a bad case of separation anxiety. I started to "try" and disengage myself from some of the things that I knew I would miss most about the office and the people I worked with - the hallway, the market place, the messy but still functional desks, the GHK-unfriendly areas, the Otis lunches, the food infested CMD-Foods area, the occasional "tsismis", the unending chatters, the countless laughters, the jokes, the loud singing of four different people of four different songs at a time.. Everything. I began to wonder if I'll ever feel as welcomed as I did at that moment, or if I'll ever walk in the same hallways again feeling proud of having real friends beside me whom I have the liberty to be playful with in what we call a workplace.
The days passed and the more that I came close to my last day, the closer I felt to everything I was leaving behind. I began to realize that I may not walk the same halls again with these people, I may not hear the same chatters everyday, or see the familiar chaos in our area; but that something important to do I'm missing now doesn't have to happen in the workplace. I have time. That is important. I have time to keep connecting with the people I left behind, time to reconnect with those I couldn't be with because of work demands, and time for myself that I could use to regain newfound energy for my next job. And this alone, forms part of the greater scheme of things.
